I Want My Ex Back: Steps Toward Best Outcomes - Part 1

It sucks when you love someone and there's nothing you can do to get them to love you back. It can make you feel worthless, powerless, crazy and obsessed.

Not to mention, the pain of mourning: life becomes a disorienting fog and all you can see as a solution is somehow winning the one you love, back. Well if that sounds familiar, I am writing this for you. Before you read on, I must tell you that this is a cheat of a title in that there’s no quick and easy fix to a relationship that’s been broken. It takes two willing partners to rebuild - you can't do it alone. However, if you love someone - I believe in honoring yourself - so if this is your situation, I have tools and insights that I think will help you reach a positive outcome. That process is best achieved by empowering yourself to be strong, confident and demonstrating you are a worthy partner. I know if you’re reading this you probably hurt a lot over someone, so I'll cut to the chase. Before the blog, I want to say that if you're in a really bad place, I highly recommend you see a therapist - it will only help you move through this more quickly and it will also help you reach a better outcome. As with all my blogs, there are three parts to this blog: the what, why and how – the tools I can offer you, today.

If you prefer to listen, here's the podcast version of this post on iTunes and Soundcloud.

Part 1: The What

That feeling of pain and longing and even obsession over the loss of your relationship. Maybe it wasn’t something you were expecting, or you both kind of “decided” it was right but now you’re realizing it’s not at all what you wanted and you can’t stop thinking about getting back together, but now your ex says it's too late. Or maybe you’re trying to move on but find yourself crazy-obsessed: internet stalking and drunk-dialing - all things that make you feel lower and more depressed. Maybe you’ve been talking about getting back together but it's still touch-and-go and you can’t for the life of you, figure out how to do this right. So this is for anyone who is trying to get their ex back or is holding their head up high and not admitting they want that, but still wishing they were magically back together– either because you broke their heart and you know now you screwed up, or because you were dumped and you were not ready or willing to have this outcome. If this is where you are – you’re likely in a split personality state that can be sometimes a belligerent puking of tears, sometimes a banal but painful loneliness, sometimes annoyingly obsessed, sometimes scary-obsessed, or sometimes feeling like complete and utter worthless crap – and ONLY your ex can make you feel stable and “yourself” again.

So if that sounds like you – you’re not alone, and there’s a lot you can do – right now, that will help your situation immensely.  It starts with getting to a place where you can be the most capable and clear-headed.  This is a chemical state that is tied to a whole lot of other factors than just this relationship. I don’t say that to make you think that this wasn’t a really powerful and meaningful relationship in your life, I say that because you’re suffering at the hand of some factors you cannot see – that have nothing to do with this person. And though this feels like the only solution is getting back together with your ex, a lot of this pain is not about the relationship – at all. If I could hand you a button that you could push to remove all the pain – you’d be able to see things from a much clearer perspective. You’re not crazy, you’re not broken, and though this is excruciating and purgatory, this pain will end. Right now because of a whole lot of other factors – to do with biology and the brain, something pure and painful has been made a ton harder. There are other equally confusing types of pain that are being lumped on top of this, and that is because being left by someone or not loved back by someone is much like a trauma on top of a drug addiction. My hope is that once you can see what is affecting you, you can better help yourself and manage your feelings – SO that you can choose from your highest self what is truly best for you, and what you DECIDE you’re going to do.

Part 2: The Why coming soon...